Don't Curse

If you read that blog title and immediately thought of Heavy D, Kool G Rap, Grand Puba, etc. You are fucking old! And no, the irony of that last adjective in relation to the title is not lost on me. Nope, it was quite fucking purposeful. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking fuck.

That felt good. You see, I’ve been finding new and unique ways to censor myself as I hang out with the kids. Before, when I would just visit and hang out with the girlfriend and the boys, it was easy for me to wag my finger at her and say incredibly elitist and snotty things like “little pitchers have big ears!” whenever she would let some blue language slip. But now that the girlfriend is the wife-elect, and the boys are living with me 24/7, I see how difficult it can be to keep your language clean.

I have found some interesting deviations though, and I thought I’d share some with you.

Son-of-a-bitch = Son-of-a-business person’s special. Full disclosure, I’ve been saying this one for at least a decade; long before the wife-elect and I started dating. It started because the local sports talk station was always advertising business person specials and I honestly just liked how it sounded.

Fuck = Fudgicles. This one came form the common replacement of “fuck” with “fudge” and got twisted by a line from Milhouse Van Houten.

Fuck = Bugger. I’m a bit of an Anglophile, so this one was a given

Fuck/Shit=Ballsacky. Believe it or not, this one stems from my Anglophilia too. Instead of the common English saying of “balls” to take the place of either of those words, I just added the “sacky”

Shit=shi’ite. Fairly straightforward. Though I have been known to go even further and say “holy sh’ite muslim!”

Before long I should have a replacement for every cunting word in by vo-goddamn-cabulary!

Life as Daddy: Month One

I mentioned in a previous blog that my fiancee (though we prefer the term "wife-elect")and her two sons moved in with me recently. Well I have a little over a month under my belt living with her and the boys and it's been quite an experience so far.

The first thing that caught me off guard was coming home and hearing "hi daddy!". I was surprised at how quickly they both took to calling me daddy of their own accord. I gotta say, I love it. Though there are a few things I have to get used to.

First off, i need to get more selfless and less selfish. I'm not gonna lie, as an only child for the first 8 years of my life, and a geek for all 28 so far, I've grown used to being by myself in my down time, and appreciating the special kind of quiet solitude that exists between myself and my books, games, movies, music, etc. But now, I need to share that down time with the boys. Our oldest said yesterday that he likes when he, his brother and I bond. That's awesome! It makes my heart grow about 3 sizes just hearing him say that.

But the "bachelor" in me, still wants some time to do grown-up stuff. Mind you, our 8 and 6 year-old already think they're grown-ups (at least till the batteries in the night light die), but they aren't grown up enough to watch R-rated movies with me or play M-rated games with me, or listen to Cuban Linx II. I need to restructure my leisure time around the boys and things that we can all do together.

To that end, the wife-elect and I taught the boys how to play dominoes last weekend. We though this was a relatively simple game, that could keep us all entertained. Well, the rules proved a little too much for them at some points. Unfortunately a weekend full of them double dutching with our last nerves led to short fuses for both parents and this experiment was less than ideal. Not giving up though. We'll find something family friendly and fun eventually.

Rantpire

Seriously. I'm done with this "new" breed of vampire fiction. I say "new" because most of these movies and tv shows are based on books that are almost a decade old. And in some cases, even older. Please don't read this as a diss on Stephanie Meyer. I got nothing against her as a person or her books about the adventures of borderline cannibalistic fairies. I just don't get why people insist on calling them "vampires". Vampires burn in the sunlight, not sparkle. Call me a purist, but I think that if you're going to call somethinf by a name, you should probably stick to the agreed upon definition of said word. For example, if I were to call an animal that barks and wags its tail a "bird", you would probably be confused as to why I don't just call it a "dog". And you know what? You'd be right.

You know who I really blame though? Anne Rice. Yes I own almost all of the Vampire Chronicles and have read the first 5, but looking back, she was the one who popularized this image of the vampire as the misunderstood tortured soul. Lestat eventually went from lovable rogue and a prick, to the 13th apostle.

You know who was an awesome vampire in relatively recent fiction? Proinsias muthafuckin' Cassidy! That was a bloodsucker who knew what he was and made no bones about it. he even got his redemption without being too emo about it. Awesome modern vampire. Give me 10 more like that guy and Ill start caring about vampire fiction again.

What's that you say? I can give a single dispensation to one kinda "fey" vamp?


Fine, I'll take William the Bloody. Any man who marches off to certain death saying "We band of buggered" can't be all that bad.

Rise From Your Grave!!!

Yes, it's trite and predictable, but damned if it didn't keep popping into my head every time I thought about starting this damnable blog up again.

So, how've you been? I've been on a bit of a trip since last we spoke. Last time I wrote here, I was living in a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 roommates with my girlfriend living 300 miles away. Now, 8 months later, I'm living in a two bedroom apartment with my fiancee and will soon be sharing the apartment with her (and my future) sons. Let me tell you, it's a hell of a jump from being a kinda-bachelor (committed, but in a long distance relationship) to being affianced and essentially a dad to two boys. I keep thinking I'm gonna fuck something up, and that I'm not nearly prepared for either role. Yes, I can be a worrier, and this is a symptom of said affliction. But at the same time, I have never, ever taken on a role nearly this important, not to mention two such roles. I think some of my anxieties are warrented.

All of that said, I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. I don't think I've ever loved or cared for anyone or anything as much as my fiancee and the boys. Even so, I sometimes have problems placing things into the proper perspective and moving the focus from myself.
For example, I'm used to being relatively independent, and only having to think about myself and how the things I do and say affect me and me alone. Well, that shit don't fly when you're the head of a househld, and soon to be a husband and father. I'm used to looking at just about everything as a problem waiting to be solved. And when problem solving I usually rely on two things: faculty or force. If I can't out think the situation, I bludgeon that square peg right into that round hole. I need to focus more on feeling than those other "F"s.

Hopefully I'll be updating this blog more often in the future with more random thoughts.

I Heart Blu Ray

In the last two days I have done something I haven't done in a good long time: Blind bought movies/tv shows. For a long time I was only buying movies or shows that I had seen before. Sort of building up my collection as it were. But between Thursday and Friday I have bought 4 blu-rays I've never seen before.

First was Paprika

In spite of my nom de web, I'm not a big anime fan anymore. I used to be a huge one back in the 90s, but at some point I feel as though the medium has passed me by. I have neither the money nor the stamina to keep up with all the series that are available now. And, unlike the early days of anime in America, there's no more natural barrier to keeping the crap out. Back then, only the cream rose to the top, because there wasn't as high a demand for "just any anime". Now the market is flooded with everything from disposable Funimation drek to true masterpieces from the likes of Otomo, Miyazaki and Kon.

Satoshi Kon is the incredible director behind one of my favorite anime feature films of all time, Perfect Blue. Paprika is a film about dreams, what they tell us about ourselves and being true to your true self. I highly recommend it to fans of "art films", thought provoking movies, and especially lapsed anime fans like myself.


I also picked up Next Avengers

This is easily my favorite of the five Marvel original animated films thus far. And it's a huge improvement over Doctor Strange (my least favorite so far, but that's a discussion for another time). The premise is a simple one. The Avengers settled down and had children. One day, Ultron (the killer robot) resurfaces and the Avengers must rally to defeat him. Their children are sent to live with former playboy and superhero, Tony Stark, for safe keeping. When their parents all fall in battle, Tony raises the kids to one day take up the mantle of their superhero family.

I think not being tied into any rigidly established continuity allowed the creators to focus less on trying to make things "fit" for older viewers and more on great storytelling. Appropriately, it also is the kid-friendliest of all the films thus far. Great for kids and adults alike.

I also bought Weeds Season 1 and Wanted.



Unfortunately I haven't watched Wanted yet so I can't comment on it yet.


I am, however, more than halfway through the first season of Weeds and will soon be going back for more. It's a great show. Satirical, insightful, and all the time, it is not preachy, or playing too much to my least favorite of genre trappings: "Woe are we! The suburbs are really so devious and horrible to live in!" (I'm looking at you American Beauty and every wanna be that's come around since). Also, it's hard to put any one character in a box. I like that in my fiction, because it's such lazy writing to say "this is the bitchy mom", "this is the loser dad" etc. Life never works out that way, so why should fiction.

Also, is it me, or does the youngest son, Shane, often seem like he's walked into this show from a completely different show of his own? And I don't mean that as a slight against the character, the actor, or this show at all. But when you have a show about a single suburban mom trying to make ends meet by selling weed, and her youngest son (here be some spoilers)




Shoots a mountain lion in the face with a BB gun, and he films a fake terrorist beheading with a neighbor's kid


(here endeth the spoilers)

He just seems a little left of center. But I dig that.

Oh, and Mary Louise Parker?
RIDICULOUSLY hot!

That's all for now. Now to try to get some more Resistance 2 trophies and hopefully get some Rock Band on later.

Yep Still Alive; Part 2

Well yesterday was about comics, so today's blog won't be.


The Warriors:


The Warriors is quite possibly my favorite 70s movie and favorite cult movie (excepting, in both cases, the original Dawn of the Dead). There is just something about urban decay and blight as a visual setting that I just can't help but be attracted too. And The Warriors showcased this in spades. Add to that the over-the-top nature of the gangs and characters and you're guaranteed to appeal to the comic book fan in me. But, as great as the movie is, I'm writing to talk about the game based on it.

Movie licensed video games tend to, putting it lightly, suck massive amounts of ass. Only rarely do we get games that prove the exception to the rule. Fortunately The Warriors is one of them. Right off the bat, the game is able to avoid one of the major traps that most licensed games fall victim to. Most games of this nature fail by trying to stick too closely to the source material. Not realizing that stretching a 2 hour movie into a 8+ hour game is going to just lead to monotony and poor gameplay. The story of the game opens about 3 months prior to the story of the movie. Allowing for a significant amount of gameplay (easily 7+ hours) to play out before you even embark on the movie's storyline.

Bottom line, if you're a fan of old-school brawlers (Streets of Rage, Final Fight, etc) the game is definitely worth playing. And if you, like me, are a fan of the cult classic film, it's worth owning.


Bond. James Bond.

Like most from my generation, I grew up on the Bond movies of Dalton and Brosnan. And, as a kid, I was never a huge fan of the Bond films. I mostly watched them because I thought it was what guys were "supposed to" do. I never really got into the Bond films until I saw Casino Royale (which I initially hated, but have come to love). After that I bought one of the James Bond Ultimate Collections to try and give the Bond series a shot as an adult.

The collection I bought had a nice sampling of Bonds. Connery (From Russia With Love), Lazenby (On Her Majesty's Secret Service), Moore (Live and Let Die, For Your Eyes Only), and Brosnan (GoldenEye). Only Dalton was missing, but I'd already seen both of his Bond exploits as a kid, so it was no big loss.

The Collection was a revelation. I had always been under the impression that the earlier Bonds were exercises in extravagance and way too overblown to be believable. But of all the movies in the collection, only For Your Eyes Only failed to hold my attention. And even that wasn't because the movie was too over the top. It just didn't pop for me. Granted I still haven't seen some of the more hated entries (The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker, Tomorrow Never Dies, etc.), but I have to say that I'm looking forward to pouring over the remaining Bond movies.

And for the record, my list of favorite Bonds is as follows:

1. Craig
2. Lazenby
3. Connery
4. Brosnan
5. Moore
6. Dalton
   

Yep Still Alive; Part 1

Wow, been a while hasn't it? Well between by several aborted attempts to create an entry entitled "In Defense Of Buffy Season 4" (which I will eventually finish and post one day) and being out of town for Christmas week with my girlfriend's family (and not internet, save for on my phone), updates got to be pretty slim pickins for a while. But now I'm back and ready to spill my thoughts about several geek topics onto the page. Ready to go?

Final Crisis (here there be spoilers)


Yikes, what a mess.

Ok. I'll admit that before this year, I was never a huge DC fan. I was and always will be a Marvel guy. It's just the way I was raised. My dad was a big Marvel guy, my uncles were Marvel guys, so it all just stuck. However, 2008 saw me making serious inroads at rectifying this.

It started at Wizard World Philly where I finally got to meet Ethan Van Sciver (DC exclusive artist extraordinaire) after spending years chatting with him on message boards. Amazing artist and awesome guy, I don't care what anyone says. I wanted him to sign something for me, and I picked up Green Lantern Rebirth and Sinistro Corps War vol 1. He did a cool Sinestro sketch in one of the books and got me really excited to read them.




In a span of just a few months, my Green Lantern Library jumped from two trades to six, and Hal Jordan is one of my favorite superheroes. Over the summer I also picked up both collections of Justice League Unlimited on dvd. I highly recommend it for anyone even tangentially entertained by comics and superheroes, it's great stuff. I even picked up the Identity Crisis and Green Arrow: Quiver trades. So, as you can see, I was slowly starting to get into the DCU.

Then I started reading Final Crisis.

The biggest problem with Final Crisis is the writer. I know Grant Morrison has ardent defenders all over the world. And I'm not trying to say that the man is untalented. In fact it's almost the opposite. His ideas are so big, and so unwieldy many times, he cannot convert his mental vision into a cohesive story that can be widely enjoyed. It also doesn't help that this huge event for the DCU is a love letter to Jack "King" Kirby and some of his lesser known work.

To put this in terms Marvel fans would understand; imagine if Secret Invasion focused, not on the shape shifting alien race of Skrulls (who show-up all over the place in the Marvel U) but instead on the Eternals, Deviants, and Celestials. The Deviants decided to take over the world and only the Eternals could stop them. Cap, Iron Man, Spidey, Wolverine, Luke Cage, etc are all either M.I.A., killed or, captured for 5/7th of the story. But instead it focused on Kirby's lesser known characters and treated them as though they were Cap, Iron Man, etc. and assumed that everyone knew the characters. It would be kinda weird, no?

Well that's essentially what's happening in Final Crisis. The Evil Gods of Apokalips and the New Gods of the 4th world had a battle and the Evil Gods defeated the New Gods. The Evil Gods come to Earth (inhabiting the bodies of established, but minor DCU characters) and bring with them the Anti-Life Equation. They set it loose over the globe and turn Earth into New Apokalips. Some are immune, but most turn into willing slaves of Darkseid (reincarnated in the body of 60 year-old cop Danny Turpin).

Sounds pretty cool so far right?

Until you realize that Superman is M.I.A., Martian Manhunter is killed in issue #1, Batman is captured (don't even get me started on what this means for Batman R.I.P.) and Wonder Woman is converted into a Darkseid slave and you hardly see her. 4 of the most recognizable of their superheroes are relegated to the sidelines while we spend most of our time with The Tatooed Man, Danny Turpin, A Monitor who's forgotten his true role, and the suddenly resurrected Wally West *EDIT* It's actually Barry Allen who has been brought back to life.

The whole thing is Motherboxes, "Kirby Dots" around dialog balloons and characters, the 4th World, and the Bleed. It's all over my head, and not made any easier to understand by Morrison's standard scene jumping with a lack of dialogue or captions explaining where we are and what we're seeing.

Bettie and Acme

Like many, I was upset upon hearing the terrible news of Bettie Page's death. However, I was even more upset to find out that many of my peers at work had no idea who she was, nor did they seem to care. Maybe I'm spoiled by spending so much time with a relatively small circle of like-minded friends and acquaintances. Maybe I'm too old-fashioned in my interests, my pursuits, my tastes, etc. Or maybe the world at large is just too busy idolizing the current icons that stand on the shoulders of the giants of days past to notice what the clay feet of their heroes are resting upon.

OK, that sounded a little bitter...

On a brighter note I highly suggest the biopic The Notorious Bettie Page for your weekend viewing.

It is a wonderful film from director Mary Harron, best known for American Psycho. And while it, like most biopics, is far from all-encompassing, it does give a sense of the atmosphere of sexual repression and hypocrisy that gripped the United States in the 1940s and 50s.

For your viewing pleasure, I present a trailer for the movie:



As well as a rare 1997 interview with Bettie herself:




As promised here's my feelings on ordering groceries online: not too shabby. The actual ordering process was pretty painless. After I ordered my groceries (with an active running tally running alongside letting me keep track of how much I was spending), I requested a delivery time for the next day. I requested a window between 6:30-8:00pm and at 6:30 on the dot, the Acme truck was waiting outside. It was all pretty painless overall. My only issue was that because I didn't reserve a time before I started shopping, some of the items I requested were unavailable, but they made me aware of that before I checked out and now I know for next time. I also ended up spending about $30 less that I usually do at the store because I was able to stay focused on what I needed instead of just grabbing stuff that I saw and thought I wanted. I'll definitely do it again.

I Really Wish I Didn't Have To Post This But...

Pinup Queen Bettie Page Dead at 85


April 22nd 1923 - December 11th 2008

Welcome HOME

So much for updating yesterday huh? Long story short, my day kinda went downhill after making that blog update. My afternoon at work became a torrential downpour of phone calls. Each trying my patience more than the last. And my trip home was tinged by minor chaos.

Suffice it to say, there was no spicy pasta for me last night.

All that out of the way, on to the fun stuff; PlayStation Home.


It's been almost 2 years since then president of Sony Computer Entertainment Worldwide Studios, Phil Harrison, first announced Home at the Game Developers Conference. Since then, Phil has gone on to Atari, and his pet project, Home, has gone forward without him.

The long and the short of Home is that is is a virtual world existing on the PlayStation network, where PS3 owners can chat, play and interact with each other in a shared space. Sounds great in theory. But in theory, communism works...



Unfortunately, Home is kinda sterile and barren right now; and has lots of unfulfilled potential. Right now there doesn't seem to be much noticeable community management outside of Sony organizing "dance parties" in Central Square (the main gathering spot in Home).

For example, one of Sony's biggest and best games this generation is Uncharted: Drake's Fortune and there is a space dedicated to it in Home. The description of the area states that there are hidden areas to find in the Uncharted game space, but there are no instructions as to how to find them. And the location (based on the design of an early 20th century waterfront bar) is too small and cramped to accommodate more than, say, 20 people at a time. Unfortunately, in my brief time inside, there were easily 5 times that many. The virtual claustrophobia made it just plain annoying to stay too long.

That's not to say that Home is a total clusterfuck. Far from it. I always loved rearranging furniture in The Sims and Home offers a similar mechanic. And Sony has promised to integrate more features into Home in the future. And while they may be s l o w in updating their systems and network, they do get it done. So I'm hopeful that eventually, Home will be the user friendly hot spot that Sony has been touting it as. But I'm not holding my breath.


Christ, I'm tired tonight. That's all for now. Earlier tonight I place my first order for home delivery of groceries, so I'll comment on how that went tomorrow.

Long Time, No Update

I went from three updates in one day to none for two days. You can tell I'm back at work. I'll set aside some time tonight to give a proper update. Probably while I'm cooking dinner. Mmm, spicy pasta...

Press The Start Button-Ludacris

Two of my loves: hip-hop and video games. So tasty!

The Curious Case of Stephen Strange, M.D.

A little bit earlier, over on Jinxworld, I was reading a thread asking why Dr. Strange "doesn't work" as a character. Meaning why do writers complain that he's difficult to write and avoid him at all because they think he is only good as a deus ex machina. Here are my thoughts from that same thread:

He "doesn't work" because they keep him on Earth too much. Dude's supposed to be the high-muckety muck of defending our entire plane of existence from Cthullu-type threats and he's slumming it with "the cool kids" working as their personal taxi service. He (or whomever ends up being sorcerer supreme) needs to tell the heroes to fuck off with their "I need a spell to make me invisible" and "I need to talk to my dead mother" shit. He's a little busy as the only man on the interdimensional rifle wall between us and the mystical threats that would eat our souls from the inside out, and would melt our brains if we even tried to comprehend them.

Keep him in the other dimensions where the threats can be bigger and badder than what he can face on Earth, and where he's in legit danger.

Can you imagine what a Dr. Strange comic would be like, if instead of fighting fucking ninjas, he was in a parallel dimension, far from friends and allies, and was fighting eldrich elder gods on a regular basis?

Well, can you? Lovecraftian elder gods > Ninjas.

The Knights of Wakanda and Writer's High

If you don't recognize at least half of the characters above or aren't the creative type, you should probably just skip this entry.



Still here? God, you people are fucking geeks.




Over on the Jinxworld boards, a group of us participate in a very different type of "Fantasy League". Instead of drafting football or baseball players, we draft fictional (mostly comic book) characters and build teams. We then pit our teams against each other either in head-to-head brawls or in missions to obtain a particular goal. Each player posts his strategy for other board members to read and they then vote on which strategy they felt was more likely to succeed.

This is my second year playing in the league and I love it. I haven't had as much time to dedicate to it this year due to moving, working more, and traveling. But somehow I made it to the finals (last year I was eliminated in the semis).

The motley crew at the top of this entry represents this year's team, The Knights of Wakanda. I feel they're pretty well-balanced. Got an inventor and tech user (Black Panther), world-class psychic (Emma Frost), a couple of tanks (Juggernaut, Husk) magic users (Willow, Etrigan), a Green Lantern (Green Man), a Jedi (Obi-Wan), a ninja (Daredevil) and a bunch of wild cards.

Later today I am writing my final strategy for the year. My mission is as follows:

A new Sinestro Corps is attacking Manhattan! Sinestro is leading an elite task force of the world's greatest villains, newly armed with Lantern rings to fit them. Their goal is to attack the Baxter Building and gain access to the Negative Zone. The team you are going up against is as follows:

Sinestro (Yellow)
Dr. Doom (Red)
Norman Osborn (Yellow)
The Joker (Yellow)
Lex Luthor (Orange)
Doomsday (Red)
Zoom (Green)

Pick a team of seven characters to defend the Gate to the Negative Zone and defeat the new Sinestro Corps!

BONUS: You may pick one ring from the seven Corps and assign it to a member of your squad for this mission. Choose carefully.

I wish I could find the words to explain to the uninitiated why I love this so much. I don't do drugs, but I would imagine combining the love I have for all things comic book and the rush I get from writing period, not to mention in this particular genre is equivalent to a high of some sort. Hell, I don't have to "imagine" it, there's an actual term for it. Flow.

From the Wiki article:

1. Clear goals (expectations and rules are discernible and goals are attainable and align appropriately with one's skill set and abilities).
2. Concentrating and focusing, a high degree of concentration on a limited field of attention (a person engaged in the activity will have the opportunity to focus and to delve deeply into it).
3. A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness, the merging of action and awareness.
4. Distorted sense of time, one's subjective experience of time is altered.
5. Direct and immediate feedback (successes and failures in the course of the activity are apparent, so that behavior can be adjusted as needed).
6. Balance between ability level and challenge (the activity is neither too easy nor too difficult).
7. A sense of personal control over the situation or activity.
8. The activity is intrinsically rewarding, so there is an effortlessness of action.
9. People become absorbed in their activity, and focus of awareness is narrowed down to the activity itself, action awareness merging.

I've experienced writer's flow multiple times in my life. It's very difficult to describe to people that haven't experienced it before; but it's almost as if I can see how everything in the world (I am writing) is connected. Natural links between characters and situations appear. Nuances of dialogue unintentionally foreshadow future events I haven't even planned yet. It's like being a chess grandmaster and seeing 15-20 steps ahead of where you are. The only word for it is exhilarating.

For all of my creative brothers and sisters out there, be you writers (of any kind), musicians, artists, whatever; I hope you all get to experience this at least a couple of times in your life. It is like diving deep into the collective unconscious.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

John McClane the face of the Christmas spirit.

Whenever this time of year rolls around and I mention that Die Hard is my favorite holiday film, I inevitably hear:

Die Hard isn't a Christmas movie!!!

Except it is.

Think about it. A gruff, bitter man with a broken family has to overcome tremendous odds, both internal and external; and sacrifice almost everything to reunite with his loved ones in time for the holiday. This is the motivation and conflict at the core of Die Hard and other classic Christmas movies. This one just happens to have explosions, Run-DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" and a machine gun.


Ho-Ho-Ho.

Every time I re-watch this movie I discover something new to love about it. Last year, when I decided to get ready for Live Free Or Die Hard, I really sat down and paid attention to all the nuances of the film. And damned if I didn't consider it the most perfect action movie ever. Sure some have more over-the-top action (Crank, Shoot 'Em Up and Big Trouble in Little China immediately spring to mind). And some are more cerebral (Ocean's Eleven, The Matrix, The Dark Knight). But none walk that fine line of balls-to-the-wall, vintage 1980's action flick and tightly scripted , well-acted, well-directed film quite like Die Hard.

And, as an early holiday present, here's a great Die Hard music video from Guyz Nite




and in case you're wondering, my other top 5 Christmas movies are: Scrooged, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Bad Santa, Love Actually