Rise From Your Grave!!!

Yes, it's trite and predictable, but damned if it didn't keep popping into my head every time I thought about starting this damnable blog up again.

So, how've you been? I've been on a bit of a trip since last we spoke. Last time I wrote here, I was living in a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 roommates with my girlfriend living 300 miles away. Now, 8 months later, I'm living in a two bedroom apartment with my fiancee and will soon be sharing the apartment with her (and my future) sons. Let me tell you, it's a hell of a jump from being a kinda-bachelor (committed, but in a long distance relationship) to being affianced and essentially a dad to two boys. I keep thinking I'm gonna fuck something up, and that I'm not nearly prepared for either role. Yes, I can be a worrier, and this is a symptom of said affliction. But at the same time, I have never, ever taken on a role nearly this important, not to mention two such roles. I think some of my anxieties are warrented.

All of that said, I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. I don't think I've ever loved or cared for anyone or anything as much as my fiancee and the boys. Even so, I sometimes have problems placing things into the proper perspective and moving the focus from myself.
For example, I'm used to being relatively independent, and only having to think about myself and how the things I do and say affect me and me alone. Well, that shit don't fly when you're the head of a househld, and soon to be a husband and father. I'm used to looking at just about everything as a problem waiting to be solved. And when problem solving I usually rely on two things: faculty or force. If I can't out think the situation, I bludgeon that square peg right into that round hole. I need to focus more on feeling than those other "F"s.

Hopefully I'll be updating this blog more often in the future with more random thoughts.