Don't Curse

If you read that blog title and immediately thought of Heavy D, Kool G Rap, Grand Puba, etc. You are fucking old! And no, the irony of that last adjective in relation to the title is not lost on me. Nope, it was quite fucking purposeful. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking fuck.

That felt good. You see, I’ve been finding new and unique ways to censor myself as I hang out with the kids. Before, when I would just visit and hang out with the girlfriend and the boys, it was easy for me to wag my finger at her and say incredibly elitist and snotty things like “little pitchers have big ears!” whenever she would let some blue language slip. But now that the girlfriend is the wife-elect, and the boys are living with me 24/7, I see how difficult it can be to keep your language clean.

I have found some interesting deviations though, and I thought I’d share some with you.

Son-of-a-bitch = Son-of-a-business person’s special. Full disclosure, I’ve been saying this one for at least a decade; long before the wife-elect and I started dating. It started because the local sports talk station was always advertising business person specials and I honestly just liked how it sounded.

Fuck = Fudgicles. This one came form the common replacement of “fuck” with “fudge” and got twisted by a line from Milhouse Van Houten.

Fuck = Bugger. I’m a bit of an Anglophile, so this one was a given

Fuck/Shit=Ballsacky. Believe it or not, this one stems from my Anglophilia too. Instead of the common English saying of “balls” to take the place of either of those words, I just added the “sacky”

Shit=shi’ite. Fairly straightforward. Though I have been known to go even further and say “holy sh’ite muslim!”

Before long I should have a replacement for every cunting word in by vo-goddamn-cabulary!