If you read that blog title and immediately thought of Heavy D, Kool G Rap, Grand Puba, etc. You are fucking old! And no, the irony of that last adjective in relation to the title is not lost on me. Nope, it was quite fucking purposeful. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking fuck.
That felt good. You see, I’ve been finding new and unique ways to censor myself as I hang out with the kids. Before, when I would just visit and hang out with the girlfriend and the boys, it was easy for me to wag my finger at her and say incredibly elitist and snotty things like “little pitchers have big ears!” whenever she would let some blue language slip. But now that the girlfriend is the wife-elect, and the boys are living with me 24/7, I see how difficult it can be to keep your language clean.
I have found some interesting deviations though, and I thought I’d share some with you.
Son-of-a-bitch = Son-of-a-business person’s special. Full disclosure, I’ve been saying this one for at least a decade; long before the wife-elect and I started dating. It started because the local sports talk station was always advertising business person specials and I honestly just liked how it sounded.
Fuck = Fudgicles. This one came form the common replacement of “fuck” with “fudge” and got twisted by a line from Milhouse Van Houten.
Fuck = Bugger. I’m a bit of an Anglophile, so this one was a given
Fuck/Shit=Ballsacky. Believe it or not, this one stems from my Anglophilia too. Instead of the common English saying of “balls” to take the place of either of those words, I just added the “sacky”
Shit=shi’ite. Fairly straightforward. Though I have been known to go even further and say “holy sh’ite muslim!”
Before long I should have a replacement for every cunting word in by vo-goddamn-cabulary!
Showing posts with label parenthood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenthood. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Life as Daddy: Month One
I mentioned in a previous blog that my fiancee (though we prefer the term "wife-elect")and her two sons moved in with me recently. Well I have a little over a month under my belt living with her and the boys and it's been quite an experience so far.
The first thing that caught me off guard was coming home and hearing "hi daddy!". I was surprised at how quickly they both took to calling me daddy of their own accord. I gotta say, I love it. Though there are a few things I have to get used to.
First off, i need to get more selfless and less selfish. I'm not gonna lie, as an only child for the first 8 years of my life, and a geek for all 28 so far, I've grown used to being by myself in my down time, and appreciating the special kind of quiet solitude that exists between myself and my books, games, movies, music, etc. But now, I need to share that down time with the boys. Our oldest said yesterday that he likes when he, his brother and I bond. That's awesome! It makes my heart grow about 3 sizes just hearing him say that.
But the "bachelor" in me, still wants some time to do grown-up stuff. Mind you, our 8 and 6 year-old already think they're grown-ups (at least till the batteries in the night light die), but they aren't grown up enough to watch R-rated movies with me or play M-rated games with me, or listen to Cuban Linx II. I need to restructure my leisure time around the boys and things that we can all do together.
To that end, the wife-elect and I taught the boys how to play dominoes last weekend. We though this was a relatively simple game, that could keep us all entertained. Well, the rules proved a little too much for them at some points. Unfortunately a weekend full of them double dutching with our last nerves led to short fuses for both parents and this experiment was less than ideal. Not giving up though. We'll find something family friendly and fun eventually.
The first thing that caught me off guard was coming home and hearing "hi daddy!". I was surprised at how quickly they both took to calling me daddy of their own accord. I gotta say, I love it. Though there are a few things I have to get used to.
First off, i need to get more selfless and less selfish. I'm not gonna lie, as an only child for the first 8 years of my life, and a geek for all 28 so far, I've grown used to being by myself in my down time, and appreciating the special kind of quiet solitude that exists between myself and my books, games, movies, music, etc. But now, I need to share that down time with the boys. Our oldest said yesterday that he likes when he, his brother and I bond. That's awesome! It makes my heart grow about 3 sizes just hearing him say that.
But the "bachelor" in me, still wants some time to do grown-up stuff. Mind you, our 8 and 6 year-old already think they're grown-ups (at least till the batteries in the night light die), but they aren't grown up enough to watch R-rated movies with me or play M-rated games with me, or listen to Cuban Linx II. I need to restructure my leisure time around the boys and things that we can all do together.
To that end, the wife-elect and I taught the boys how to play dominoes last weekend. We though this was a relatively simple game, that could keep us all entertained. Well, the rules proved a little too much for them at some points. Unfortunately a weekend full of them double dutching with our last nerves led to short fuses for both parents and this experiment was less than ideal. Not giving up though. We'll find something family friendly and fun eventually.
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